Thoughts of Cassie

Five years ago, today 8/31/2020, I said my earthly goodbye to Cassie. That memory, along with so many others, is etched in my mind and heart as if it were yesterday.

Earlier that day Becky Brown came to visit Cassie. Although she was basically in a coma state, I know she heard all that was said to her. Maybe not as we would think, but I truly believe that her spirit understood. Becky had said to her to tell Jesus to come back soon to take us home.

As I left that evening (somewhere around 10:30 PM) I knew it would be the last time I saw Cassie on this earth. I whispered in her ear “Don’t forget what Becky told you to say to Jesus” and then I added, “I will see you on the other side.” It wasn’t like I was saying goodbye forever but just parting momentarily.

There are days when five years seems like a short time, and other days it seems like it is a very long time. I am ever so thankful that God, my Father, has a different perspective on the passage of time – “A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.” In fact in 2 Peter 3:8 we are told not to forget this. The time we spend grieving for a loved one who has gone on before us to heaven is not the same for them. I have often thought to myself that Cassie might say to me “what took you so long to get here?” However, since she is on God’s time plan now, she probably would not say that. For us – five years have passed but for Cassie, it would be like only a day had passed since she went to heaven and I last saw her.

I for one am very grateful to the Lord that He took Cassie home when He did. Life, as we are now living, would have been very frightening for her if she was still on this earth.

Some days my heart is full of memories of Cassie and other days just brief thoughts of her pass by in my mind. Such a silly challenging little girl, she was! She was a conundrum for most of us who knew her as a child. As she grew she faced many difficult circumstances in her life, none of which I would wish on any other person. As a woman, she did her best to live her life as best as she could with all her challenges. Cassie shined brightly for Jesus especially during her last year here on earth. She was a testimony of a life changed in Christ and although she knew she was passing from this life to her heavenly life she made the best of it even when she was racked with pain. She changed others’ lives in a way that never ceases to amaze me, including mine.

A few thoughts that have been wandering around in my mind are:

When Cassie’s cancer had made its way to her brain we saw several atypical and strange behaviors in her. The day she was admitted to hospice for the final time we were in the emergency room with her. I am not going to go into details that brought us into the ER (ED) department that day because that was and is a very painful day emotionally for me. Cassie was laying on the stretcher and she was pretty out of it. She kept raising her arm in the air and just holding it there. In my mind, I thought, “How could anyone leave their arm up in the air for long periods without having their arm get tired or numb?” I would lower her arm back down and almost immediately the arm would go back up. Now as I reflect on it, maybe Cassie was aware of something in the Spirit that I was not aware of in the physical. Was she lifting her arm in praise to her God? “So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands”. Psalm 63:4. Was her spirit preparing her for her soon homecoming? I don’t know.

Another circumstance in her final week here on earth was the early afternoon the next day (if my memory serves me correctly) after the whole ER visit and she was admitted to Hospice of the Valley. Tim and I walked into her room and she was wide awake, fully cognitive. It was wonderful to see her knowing who we were and just being Cassie. Cassie even made a joke. Tim and I wish we would have written it down because that was our last interaction with her conscious. I would love to remember the joke she cracked but neither of us can. I guess that is a joke I’ll have to ask her about when I see her again.

Cassie is a gift to me – I love her – I miss her physical presence – I will see her again! Thank you, God, for allowing me to be part of Cassie’s life.❤️

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peer support grad
hospice of the valley